Dear Mama,

I realized that I have never loved anyone as much as I’ve loved you. This is probably why I have never suffered as much as I do now, ever since you were gone.

You were imperfect; you had so many mistakes; you were complicated; you were flawed.

Never did it occur to me to stop loving you, though. Not even once. No matter how ugly it would get.

My love for you has been more tremendous than my annoyance.

You taught me that noone’s perfect, but everyone is capable of redemption.

I watched you giving your all to teach as much people, young and old, about God and His love.

I also saw how you tried and tried to redeem yourself by leaning onto God.

You kept trying to be your best self, even though your sickness was already swallowing you whole.

God knows how many times my mind kept on playing out intricate fantasies on how I could have empathized on your feelings better during the last few days of your life; how I could have talked to you more lovingly; how I could have served you better.

Then, I suddenly thought that I have loved you like this, because it’s you who taught me how.

This means that you, of all people, would have easily understood and forgiven me for my shortcomings during those times.

I know that if you were here you’d hug me for as long as you’d want me to feel everything is alright. You’d kiss me and say, “That’s enough, anak. Okay na yun. Tapos na yun.”

You taught me so many things, when you were alive — mostly about love and faith. You are still teaching me a lot, even until now that you aren’t here with us — acceptance and forgiveness. I’m learning a lot from this grief, Ma.

Thank you, Mama... I will forever honor you, and I know that I could do that best, if I’ll keep being the person you raised me to be.

I love you, Ma.