Intergenerational Love

It’s always been easy for me to write birthday messages for family and friends, but it becomes especially challenging when it’s for my most precious child.

I realised it’s because whenever it’s my child’s birthday, grief knocks harder too.

A proof that it has never left.

My husband and I often find ourselves drifting back to memories and looking at Luna’s photos and videos when she was younger, especially when her birthday is coming up.

And I realised, as my love for my child deepens each year, so does my love for my mum.

I wish she were here with us.

She was my cheerleader, my advisor, my purpose.

I am where I am today because of her constant love, support, and encouragement.

I wish she were here to tell me I’ve been doing great. It’s different when it comes from my Mama. Her voice was always soothing and encouraging. Just looking at her gave me strength.

In the past, when I was struggling at something, I’d go back and forth to her room just to catch a glimpse of her and say, “Mama!!! I love youuuu!” And she would say it back. Then I’d return to my work or my studies.

She was like my vitamins or miracle drug. I felt like I could overcome anything life threw at me especially if it was for her.

And now I understand why.

It’s because she lived the same way.

I watched her give everything for us, and now I finally understand her love.

———-

My first year of motherhood was rough. But with each passing year, I’ve learned to enjoy getting to know Luna, and to accept that she is her own person. She is not an extension of us, and that’s a beautiful thing. I want her to become better than us.

I’ve been doing my best to heal from my childhood traumas and break toxic family cycles, because I don’t want to pass them on to her, which is never easy.

I also feel like I still carry the weight of maternal anxiety daily, nightly… at least not hourly anymore, I guess.

Am I doing the right thing?
Am I doing enough?
Am I doing too much?

At the end of the day, I choose to focus on my relationship with my child and to keep building it through things that may look small to others, but we’ve learned have a huge impact.

I ask myself:

How did I respond to my child?
Did I give her my full attention when she was talking?
Did I make her feel genuinely heard?
Was I consistent - firm and fair with rules, warm and respectful during play and conversations, whether or not others were watching?
Did I repair and say sorry when my fuse was short and my tone scared her?
Did I tell her I love her and that I’m proud of her hard work, especially her effort in building good habits and values?
Did I model the habits and values we are working on together?
Now that’s she’s grown older, what approaches do we need to change?

Skills and knowledge can be taught at any stage of life, but the foundations of children’s development shouldn’t be delayed. Values and good habits need to be formed and prioritised in the early years (0–8), and these are most effectively nurtured through loving and respectful relationships with their primary carers. Schools and communities can certainly reinforce these, but they of course begin at home.

These early foundations strongly shape how children learn and how they relate to others.

It‘s all about guiding them how to think, rather than telling them what to think.

Luna is now seven.

And she is such a beautiful person.

I love everything about her…

Especially the way she consistently greets us good morning and good night with her sweet smile, hugs, and kisses; writes us unexpected, sweet letters; treats her friends kindly and respectfully; shows good habits wherever she is; takes a moment to appreciate the leaves, flowers, trees, and animals around her; gets lost in books and play whether alone or with friends; sings and dances with all her heart; sets boundaries by following her gut; cries when she’s not feeling okay and bounces back from it (which sometimes takes long haha) after drinking water or listening to music; thanks God for “love, peace, and happiness”.

This list can just keep going…and may change as well (lol).

But as she discovers more about who she is, and who she wants to become, we’ll be here to support her. Hundred percent.

What a privilege it is to witness a human being grow and develop.

What an honour to finally understand a Mother’s love.

Masarap pala maging nanay, Mama? :’)

As my love for my child deepens each year, so does my love for you, Ma.

Happy seventh to all of us po. 🥹